Secrets to a Happy Relationship this Valentine
How to keep being happy in a relationship? Isn’t that an over optimistic topic?
We might know how to fall in love, how to propose, how to know he/she is the one, how to have the best date night & even how to lose a guy in 10 days.
This month, the month almost dedicated to Love globally, let’s dive into what it might take to stay happy in a marriage, in love over years.
A few weeks ago on an online group a girl married for around 7 years asked, “happy marriages really exist?” and there were over thousands of replies. If I could vaguely categorise the answers over 80% said happy marriages was just an illusion. The other 20% were either optimistic yet placed the dependency on having the perfect partner to make the relationship a Happy one
My belief is that our Outer World is a Reflection of our Inner World and a marriage or any relationship gives the opportunity to grow as individuals first and then within the relationship- even when it involves walking out, but peacefully.
So here goes my 7 tips to a happy marriage
1) Define what Happy Marriage means to you:
Happiness is quite subjective, and could vastly vary across age groups, cultures, social status, economic status, past experiences, travel experiences and quite honestly it will evolve over the years for even the same individual depending on the phase they are in.
The biggest problem in a relationship is the lack of knowing what could potentially make one happy and then that leads to a wide range of expectations from the other without even knowing oneself.
When one has at least a structure to what makes one happy, then that can be shared with their partner.
Remember Will Smith talking in an interview where he thought that throwing the most star studded party for Jada Smith would make her intensely joyful on her birthday, where in reality that noise was everything she despised.
So, know what happiness means and communicate it to your partner.
2) Know your own boundaries and, find out your partners:
Boundaries are very important in any relationship. Especially in Love we often forget to draw that invisible line. Boundaries are misunderstood as distance, but in reality the most respectful relationships have healthy boundaries. Khalid Gibran’s version of relationships so beautifully describes this, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, Fill each other”s cup but drink not from one cup”
3) Discuss your Values:
The biggest cause of difference is caused by the gaps in value systems.
Say one person believes that raising one’s voice to make a point is required (maybe that’s how they were brought up) and another believes that conversations can be more civil, then irrespective of the topic of disagreement, no matter as tiny or even trivial, THIS difference of value could potentially create a bigger gap than the disagreement itself.
4) Heal yourselves individually:
As humans we have resorted to defence mechanisms to cope with hurtful situations life throws at us.
When one is unhealed they tend to project it on the person they love– the old belief that we hurt the people we love.
While that is not to be accepted as a rule, it is what happens when both partners are unhealed.
5) Schedule time:
Life will be unpredictable, but having guidelines can help one navigate.
Most relationships after years blend every single aspect together.
Date time is now with friends or kids, family time is with colleagues, dinner table conversations include budget talks and by the end of it, either one or both partners feel stressed.
Allot segments to life and then create days or dates to meet these segments specifically. It won’t always go exactly as planned, but will direct ones energy and planning.
In the couple therapies, often the women complain that they don’t spend time together, which confuses the men. They site examples of family outing, office parties, grocery shopping etc .
It’s clearly then not an issue of time, but allotted time for specific segments.
6) Grow together:
This I have personally found to be a big turn on for long term relationships
Supporting each-others growth is a big boost, a constant foreplay and lasting positive to any relation.
When relationships are strained, the one common thread is lack of support when either partner is having a hard time in life.
Remember our best friends are those who stand by us in our dark hours.
So helping each other climb the ladder is an undisputable requirement for a successful relationship.
7) Meditate, reflect and relax together:
Reflection is a part of life, we reflected on our grades in school, reflected on our performance in our appraisals at the workplace, we reflect on business success at the end of the year, or every quarter,
some even do a weekly check-in.
Then why not a reflection for a relationship?
Meditation as a couple has multiple benefits.
– It helps relax & align
– It aligns both partners in the same frequency, the same zone
– It improves communication
– aids healing
– helps in more engaged & honest conversations
and ensures constant growth.
So this love month I wish you all a Happy Valentine and encourage you to apply 1 step from the above list to begin with.
Until the next month, much love and luck